


A Hole Where a Sister Should Be

by UnmovingGreatLibrary



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Family, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-04 11:21:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4135560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnmovingGreatLibrary/pseuds/UnmovingGreatLibrary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Satori's relationship with Koishi, then and now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Hole Where a Sister Should Be

On a small table, near the rear entrance to the Palace of the Earth Spirits, sits a candy dish.

There's nothing special about it, on first glance. The candies are cheap liquorice things that melt to their wrappers in the heat of the palace. Satori is pretty sure that the leftovers are fused into a single blob in the bottom of the wax paper bag they came in. Nobody who still lives here likes them that much.

But they're one of Koishi's favorite treats in the world, so it makes a nice way to track her comings and goings. And right now, the dish only has eight candies, where there were ten this morning. She counts them twice just to be sure, then backs away from the dish. “Koishi? Are you here?” she says. No response.

Satori looks around the immediate area. She doesn't see anything else out of the ordinary, but that's no guarantee. Even if Koishi were here, could she even see her so easily? It's always hard to remember in retrospect. It's been hours since the last time she walked past the dish, so there are no guarantees. Koishi could have already come and gone by now... but, no. She has to be hopeful.

“Koishi?” Satori pockets a few of the candies just in case, and sets off down the hall. She's been through this a dozen times, but it never gets easier. There's only one way to find Koishi, and Satori hates it.

As she makes her way down the hallway, her footsteps echoing in the emptiness around her, she lets her eyes drift closed. Tentatively, like touching an old wound, she pulls up memories of her sister. She remembers the sound of Koishi's laugh, and the way Koishi always ended up buried under her pets when she'd come home after a long trip. She remembers the touch of Koishi's mind against her own.

These things hurt, but they help. These days, attention naturally slides off of Koishi. She's like a person-shaped hole in the world, a void that the mind refuses to acknowledge. But sometimes, Satori can patch over it with memories of her sister. She can fill in the hole enough to make her mind recognize a person there again, and for just a few hours, she can perceive Koishi normally.

Satori turns a corner and approaches the door to Koishi's bedroom. For the first time in weeks, it's cracked open—a promising sign. She creeps up to it, and through the crack, she can see that it's dark inside. “Koishi?” she says again, and pushes the door open. “I have some candy if you come out.”

It's hard to see the inside of the room, but Satori already has the layout burnt into her memories. The desk with Koishi's art supplies and books in one corner, her palatial bed across from it, easels and musical instruments and discarded clothes making the center a minefield. She creeps along the nearest wall, feeling along the top of a bookshelf for the candle that usually sits there, before she feels a presence. There's another mind nearby, a hungry, sad thing. It takes a moment for her to recognize the taste of it.

“Hitomi?” Satori says into the darkness. “... Hitomi, come here. I want to talk to you.”

There's a rustling noise from the direction of the bed. Something heavy drops to the floor and pads closer. In the light coming from the doorway, Satori can see the badger's loping gait as she approaches. Hitomi stops in front of her, looking almost bashful, and Satori scoops her and rests her over one shoulder. “Have you seen my sister?” she says.

The badger rests her chin on Satori's shoulder. Images and emotions flow from her mind. They're fuzzier and less cohesive than the thoughts of her more intelligent pets, but they still give Satori everything she needs to know. _A ground-level view of Koishi, skipping past unsteadily. Koishi's hand descending to pet at her head. Elation. Waking up and finding herself alone. Loneliness. Sadness. Hunger._

Satori purses her lips as she parses the badger's memories. “Koishi took a nap and then left?” she asks patiently. Hitomi gives a little growl and shifts against her. Her thoughts feel like a _yes_.

Satori sighs and looks over the room one last time, but Koishi is nowhere to be seen. There's no use asking the badger how long it's been, but if she's been sitting here for long enough to get hungry, probably a while. The thought of Hitomi sitting here in the dark, hoping for Koishi to stop by her room again, sends a pang of guilt through Satori. She's done her best to look after Koishi's pets in her sister's absence, but it's obvious that they still miss her. She ruffles the badger's fur and lowers her to the floor. “I'm going to keep looking for her. You should go eat. If I find her, I'll make sure you get a chance to see her.”

Hitomi gives her one last look, then trundles off toward the dining hall, where the many pet food bowls are laid out. Satori closes the door behind herself and continues down the hall. Soon, a picture catches her attention, and she comes to a stop to look over it.

It's a framed sketch, a drawing of a cave somewhere kilometers to the south. From afar, it looks almost like a photograph, but this close, she can see the little pencil strokes that show the lines of the artist's work. They curve and whorl around, perfectly capturing the shape and the texture of the stone, but with added complexity. The many blended colors make it a complex gradient, and if Satori unfocuses her eyes, it almost feels like the stone is hiding a rainbow beneath, a scintillating depth of color for simple rock.

She's wrapped up enough in the image, and the memories that come with it, that she only senses the presence behind herself at the last second. Koishi leans in, and with her face close enough that Satori can feel her breath on her ear, lilts, “I'm right behind yooooou!”

* * *

Images came rushing into Satori's head. Caves full of crystals, the alien contours of some fossilized creature sticking out of the stone, giant colored whorls of marble. They twisted and flickered, shifting back and forth between photorealistic memories and colored sketches as Koishi thought about how they'd look on paper.

It was very pretty, she thought. She'd never shared her sister's talent for visualizing things or drawing, but she could admire it nonetheless. When Satori planned a story, it was a meticulous, detailed thing. She'd plan out everything in advance, making diagrams of the characters and events. By the time she started working, it was all about fitting the pieces together. When Koishi drew, though, it was nothing like that. She started with a tiny idea and ran with it, letting the rest of the picture crystallize around it naturally. Satori's writing process was like putting a puzzle together. Watching Koishi plan a drawing was like watching a flower bloom.

Sensing Satori's reaction, Koishi's mind roiled with warring embarrassment and pride. As she finished sketching the outline of the last picture, she pushed it away and inspected it. Thoughts and emotions bobbed to the surface of her consciousness, as obvious as if they were written on her face: a fleeting memory of walking through the cave that she'd just drawn, the way the stone had felt under her fingertips, satisfaction with how she'd captured the contours of the rock.

Satori smiled as her sister's emotions washed over her. “Are you done for now, then?”

“Hmm... I think so, yep. Is there anything you want to change before I start filling in the lines?”

Satori closed her eyes and thought back to the images she'd seen in Koishi's head. “... I like your second thought for the fossil more. Sharper teeth. A predator of some kind. It would fit the themes of the scene better.”

“Right, right!” Koishi shuffled through the pictures to find the right one, then erased and redrew a few lines. Images of teeth flickered through her head, until she settled on a set and sketched them out. Feeling Satori's satisfaction with the image, Koishi chuckled under her breath. “I'm glad that you like it!”

“It's wonderful,” Satori said, and brought her reactions to the forefront of her mind so that Koishi couldn't miss them. “You have a gift.”

“I'm not _that_ good yet...!” Koishi still gave a pleased hum as she spread the drawings out in front of herself. Her mind was bubbling with excitement now. _Can't wait to see if people like them—Maybe change the rocks?_ —A dozen approaches to shading flickered through her head— _more realistic as they are, but maybe people would like it better with more color?_ —Her emotions faded to the background, and a more deliberate thought rose to the forefront of her mind— _What do you think, Satori?_ —A few variations on the pictures appeared in her head, with subtle differences in shading and color blending.

Satori marveled at the speed of her sister's thoughts. It was always like this with Koishi. Her thoughts ricocheted through her head too quickly for Satori to follow, as if driven by vast, precise mental clockwork just below the level of her surface thoughts. Koishi zipped to conclusions that would take Satori half an hour of deliberation. Struggling to keep up with such speed, it took Satori a few seconds to realize that she'd asked a question. “Do whatever you think is best,” she said. She felt a spike of surprise from her sister, and before Koishi could respond, added, “Yes, I'm serious. I trust your judgment.”

Koishi looked stunned for a moment, but slowly, her shock melted away into excitement. “I-I'll do my best!” she said, with images and techniques unfolding through her mind. She tugged a paper over and started jotting down notes, but paused halfway through a sentence to look up to her sister with a grin. “Let's keep at it until we're the best writer _and_ the best artist in the underworld, okay? I won't lose!”

Feeling Koishi's enthusiasm flooding her mind, Satori couldn't help but offer a matching smile. “It is a deal,” she said.

* * *

Satori turns around, and comes face to face with her sister. Koishi is a mess. Her hair is tangled, looking like it hasn't been washed in days, and there's even a stick dangling in it. Her hands are dirty and her nails are irregular lengths, with chips and cracks running through some of them. Her clothes are stained, with mud clinging stubbornly to her dress in places. Her knees are scraped up. Despite all of it, she's smiling, rocking back and forth on her heels as she waits for some reaction.

“Yes, you're right behind me,” Satori agrees. “It's nice to see you, Koishi.”

Koishi stares for a moment, expectant, then wilts. “That's not how it goes! You're supposed to be scared!”

“It was very scary,” Satori assures her. She takes the chance to move closer, taking care to keep her eyes on Koishi the whole time. She barely dares to blink. She knows from long experience that all it takes is a few seconds of inattention, a quick look away, and Koishi can vanish. She doesn't relax until she's grabbed her sister's hand, anchoring her in place. It's sticky with some kind of fruit juice, but Satori interlaces their fingers, and uses her free hand to pluck the stick out of Koishi's hair. "Why are you scaring people?"

"Huh..." Koishi looks up thoughtfully. “It seemed like fun!”

“I'm glad you're enjoying yourself,” Satori says, and tries to stop herself from thinking about where the answer came from. She hadn't felt a trace of thought from Koishi's direction. At times, she has wondered: can anything in there still be called Koishi, if she's only a subconsciousness, parroting instructions from archived memories? Is she little more than an insect, a mental machine being pushed along by ages-old instincts, _eat sleep drink fuck_? They're questions that have kept her awake at night, but they just don't hold up when Koishi is a meter away, smiling at her. Satori pulls her sister into a hug. “Welcome home.”

“Thanks!” Koishi returns the hug until Satori could swear that her ribs are starting to creak, then relaxes out of it and looks around idly. “Huh. I'm hungry, though.”

Satori allows herself a wan smile. If there's one thing that hasn't changed, it's her sister's appetite. “We can have whatever you want for dinner,” she says. “Just name it, and we'll make it.”

"Cake!" Koishi decides, almost instantly.

"We can have cake with dinner," Satori assures her, and tries not to overthink how she arrived at that conclusion. “But first... you need a bath.”

“Huh?” Koishi doesn't even glance down at herself. “I'm hungry, though.”

“Yes, and you can have food after you bathe,” Satori explains patiently. “I'll have Rin cook up enough for all of us, and we'll have a big meal together.”

“I wonder if there's food in the icebox...” Koishi turns and starts toddling in the direction of the kitchen, only to find that she's still tethered by Satori's hand. She frowns and tugs against it.

“H-here,” Satori says, struggling to hold her sister back while digging in her pocket with her free hand. She pulls out one of the liquorice candies and offers it over. “Do you want this, for now?”

“Oh! Those are my favorites!” Koishi says. She snatches it up and tugs at the wrapper. As usual, a thin fuzz of paper clings to the candy. Satori barely resists her urge to pluck it away and clean it off. The candy disappears into Koishi's mouth.

While Koishi is still distracted, Satori starts pulling her toward the bathroom. As they walk, she feels toward Koishi's mind again, probing for any sign of mental activity. As always, there is a bottomless silence. A nothingness where a something should be. Koishi might be here, but Satori might never again see the vivid beauty that used to exist only inside of her head.

Satori speeds up her footsteps, and tries to distract herself with other matters.

* * *

Satori felt Koishi before she saw her. It was an indirect thing, a shockwave of fear and concern that spread out through the household's pets. The pets always were her first sign that something was wrong. Animals were empathetic like that. Much, much more empathetic than most humans or youkai.

She made her way into the hallway and headed toward the distant sensation of Koishi's mind, guided by fleeting memories from the pets. It soon became obvious that Koishi was headed toward her room. Satori hurried after her, but by time she reached the room, Koishi was almost gone. Her pets were in an anxious state, but Satori still managed to skim a few key impressions from their minds: Koishi was hurt. Their memories were hard to get more than fleeting sensations from, but there was the smell of blood, the feeling of pain and sadness.

And Koishi had only stopped into the room for long enough to grab clean clothes before leaving. Putting two and two together, Satori headed toward the bathroom.

When she arrived, the door was already closed. She carefully averted her mental attention as she leaned against the frame. Inside, she could hear the sound of water flowing into the tub. “Koishi?” she said through the door. “Are you in there?”

If Koishi answered, it was drowned out by the sound of the water. “Your pets thought you were hurt,” Satori continued. “Are you okay?”

Another second or two passed, with only the sound of running water to fill the silence. Koishi finally spoke up. “I'm fine,” she said. Her voice was hoarse. “I'll be out in a while, okay?”

Satori glanced toward the door and pursed her lips. She and Koishi had never kept secrets from each other. What would even be the point? Her curiosity got the best of her, and she allowed the her mind to reach out again, grasping for Koishi's consciousness...

Their minds brushed together, and Koishi's emotions came oozing over, sour and dark. _The warmth of the bathroom, filled with steam from the hell-heated waters. It helped soothe some of the aches that were running through her body, but she was already dreading the feeling of the water on her cuts and scrapes._ “... can I come in?”

Koishi hesitated again, and deliberated over the question. “I guess.”

Satori pushed the door open. It took a moment for the steam to clear enough for her to see her sister, but when she did, her heart fell. Koishi looked like she'd already cleaned herself up a little, but she was still a mess. One eye was blackened, and a red smear across her upper lip hinted that she'd done a halfhearted job of wiping blood from her nose. One forearm had a long scrape along it, culminating in a few deeper gashes around the elbow, and angry black-blue bruises peppered one side. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

“I, um.” Koishi flinched away, looking ashamed of her wounds. She dipped a toe into the bath, and when it met her approval, she lowered herself into the water. A shiver of pain ran over her body. Satori flinched from the secondhand sensation. “Just... I'll show you.”

Koishi's mind ran back through her memories of the evening. They were more emotionally charged than her usual snapshot-like memories. _Koishi felt a wave of loathing while walking down the street, and turned to find an oni leaned against a railing, glaring at her. She looked away too late. The oni growled “What're you starin' at?” The oni toyed with her like an especially brutal cat with a mouse, and Koishi panicked. Her final mistake—“M-my name is Koishi Komeiji! I didn't mean any harm, maybe we can be friends!”—and the first wrenching sensation of pain as the oni grabbed her arm and yanked her off her feet. What followed was too one-sided to be called a fight. Koishi's world was a blur of movement and pain, with no logic to connect one moment to the next. Her only firm memory of it was a single phrase, grunted by the oni at the end: “Thought all you three-eyed freaks had run off, anyway.”_

In the aftermath of the recollection, Koishi was left staring sullenly at the surface of the water. Satori could feel her own eyes tearing up, but it was tempered by bitter resolve. It was nothing she hadn't been through a few times, herself. Koishi was too young to remember how things had been on the surface. Satori had no such luck. “I'll send Rin,” she said. “Even the oni fear vengeful spirits. I'm sure she could extract an apology, or—“

“No.” Koishi's voice was barely a mumble. “Hurting her back won't change anything.”

“It will teach her not to do it again in the future. As long as they're afraid, they'll leave us alone”

“I don't want that...! I just want to... be friends.”

Satori wanted to push the issue, but Koishi's mental state was already a mess. No need to stick an argument on top of that. Instead, she changed the topic. “Do you want me to look at your injuries? Some of them looked fairly bad.”

“I can get them. It was just punching, so they should be healed by the morning.” Koishi thoughtfully brushed her fingers over a cut beneath the water. “... hey, Satori?”

Satori hesitated. Bitter pain was welling up in Koishi's mind, and there was no way that whatever she said next was going to be pleasant. But offering some catharsis was the least she could do. “Yes?”

“Do you ever think that... it'd be better if we weren't like this?” Koishi looked to her. There was no way that the liquid running down her cheeks was bath water. “I-if we, I mean, if we couldn't read minds. Then nobody would fear us, and we—”

“The fear is their fault, not ours,” Satori stated. It was a line that their parents had burnt into her memory, passed down through generations of their race. She reached out with her thoughts and twined her emotions into her sister's. Some of Koishi's misery came rushing into her, but in return, she pushed back. She summoned up her happy memories of Koishi, and pushed them to the forefront of her mind, flooding her sister's thoughts with acceptance and warmth. Even as a writer, it was a communion that she'd never found words to express. “Our ability is beautiful. Don't let them convince you that it's a curse.”

It was slow, but little by little, the tension drained out of Koishi's body, while Satori's hands curled into fists from the shared emotions. She still didn't let up until her sister had finally relaxed in the tub, letting out a soft sigh of relief. “You're right, of course,” Koishi said, with a lazy smile tugging at her lips. “Thanks, Satori.”

* * *

It's important on these visits, Satori thinks, to try keeping the mood up. The pets can't feel Koishi's absence like she can, and her visits are always a nice surprise for them. And always, always, there's the whispering voice in her head that says that maybe she's the reason that Koishi hasn't recovered. Maybe if she were just a little bit more cheerful, Koishi would see that there was nothing to be afraid of...

“So,” she says, as brightly as she can, and looks back over her shoulder. Koishi is chomping loudly on the candy and peering around at the scenery as they walk. “What's been happening on the surface?”

“Oh!” Koishi says, and gives an excited hop. Satori redoubles her grip on her sister's hand. “Oh! I know! I got to be Miss Mary!”

This makes even less sense than most things that Koishi says these days, but Satori nods along with it. “... you haven't been fighting again, have you?”

“I have! Fighting is fun. I got to fight an oni!”

“An...? Koishi, you shouldn't fight oni.”

“Ehh? It was fun, though! I won!”

Satori nods along with that, and takes another peek at her sister from the corner of her eye. She's certainly telling the truth. Koishi isn't much good at lying these days, and even if she were, she's in too good of condition to have fought an oni and _lost_. “Why are you fighting people?”

“It's fun! Everybody pays a lot of attention to me, and I make lots of friends.”

“You'll have to let me meet some of your friends sometime,” Satori says, not sure whether she means it or not. She has been growing concerned about who her sister is spending time with on the surface... but at the same time, she dreads the thought of spending time with surfacers, herself. It feels like a responsibility, though. “Even so. Try not to get into fights, okay?”

“Right!” Koishi says. Satori isn't sure if the instruction will do any good. Judging by her past experience, it will be forgotten as soon as she has an impulse to the contrary. Koishi stares off into space thoughtfully, mumbling to herself. “Hmm, I don't know if _she_ knew she was an oni, though... isn't that funny?”

“I'm sure it was,” Satori says, and gives a tight-lipped smile. They reach the bathroom and she guides Koishi inside, without daring to release her hand until the door is locked behind them. Once it is, Satori starts the water running. “Remember that you have to take off your clothes.”

“Okaaaaay.” Koishi starts tugging at her shirt, but doesn't stop walking. She crouches down and peers at the pattern on the tiles. She sheds her shirt, walks over, and runs the material of a towel between her fingers curiously. By the time she's naked, her clothes are scattered in a loose circle around the room.

Koishi starts toddling toward the tub. Satori grabs her shoulder and gently guides her away from it. “And you need to wash first.”

“Washing's boring!” Koishi whines.

“Yes, but you still need to do it. It will be fast, I promise.” Satori pushes Koishi to a stool and pulls on the valve that controls the shower. There's a distant gurgle as water trickles down, pulled by gravity from aquifers overhead, then bursts out overhead. The first splash of it draws a yelp from Koishi, and Satori dares to take her eyes off her sister for long enough to grab a wash cloth.

Kneeling down, she gets a better look at Koishi's condition. She has plenty of scrapes and bruises, but they're the products of overenthusiastic exploration. Nothing as bad as a beating from an oni. Or anybody else for that matter. Koishi may have sacrificed her consciousness, but she's gained the one thing Satori has never had in her life: the ability to travel peacefully among the other youkai.

Koishi's hair hangs down in matted clumps, and Satori brushes out the worst tangles with her fingers before moving on to washing her. Once she's mostly clean, she backs away. “You can get in the bath now.”

“Ah...!” Koishi looks toward the bath, and her eyes light up. Satori realizes, too late, what her sister has in mind.

Koishi takes off running, and leaps into the air. She lands in the bath with the full force of her body, sending a tidal wave of water surging out and over the bathroom.

* * *

The meal could have easily been called a feast. Satori had spent half the day in the kitchen, overseeing pets and cooking things herself, trying to assemble one of the nicest dinners that the Palace of the Earth Spirits had ever seen. The palace's main table had been piled so high with food that she imagined she could hear it groaning under the weight, and every pet in the place had attended, in a bustling, noisy celebration. It was the liveliest that the palace had ever been.

It wasn't enough. As the last of the food disappeared and the pets had started hauling dishes to the kitchen, Koishi slipped away. In all the ruckus, Satori didn't notice her leaving until the last second. She followed behind her, but didn't catch up until Koishi was in the mansion's cavernous foyer.

Satori could feel that Koishi had sensed her presence, but the two stood in equal silence, as Koishi sat on a step and tied her shoes. Afterward, she stood up and stretched with a little yawn. Still facing the door, she said, “You came to stop me.”

Satori couldn't deny it. Koishi's moods had been sliding lately, she had noticed. The encounter with the oni hadn't seemed very noteworthy at the time, but it had been the start. Since then, Koishi's had been taking longer and more frequent trips out of the palace, trying to find some way to make friends among the youkai of the former capital. Most of the time, she returned disappointed. Sometimes, she was heartbroken. On a handful of occasions, she came back covered in bruises and scrapes, and hid the mental details from Satori as well as she could.

It was starting to worry Satori, and she'd done her best to compensate. Bringing in more pets for Koishi to play with, spending more time with Koishi herself, trying to involve her with her projects... everything she could do to make life within the mansion fulfilling for her sister. And yet, here they were. “I think it would be better if you stayed home, yes,” she said.

“Hmmm...” Koishi clasped her hands behind her back and rocked on her heels a few times. At this distance, Satori couldn't clearly read her thoughts, but she could sense the drifting weight of them. Despite her external act, Koishi was considering some weighty issues. She spun around on one heel, and planted her other on the floor to stop herself when she was facing her sister. “Thanks, Satori.”

“Thanks? For what?”

“You've been doing all this work just try making me happy, right? I really appreciate it!”

“It's the least I can do,” Satori said. She didn't need to read Koishi's thoughts to see where this was going, though. Her expression and tone of voice were enough for that. “You're still planning to go out, thought, aren't you?”

“Are you going to stop me?”

“I could.”

“But _are_ you?”

A flush of annoyance rose to Satori's cheeks. Koishi knew just as well as she did: She didn't have the heart to try forcing her sister to stay inside. “... the humans and other youkai won't accept us,” she said, and stepped closer. As she closed the distance, Koishi's thoughts became more distinct and easier to read “The pets love you, and I'll help you with any project you want to try. Isn't this enough? Haven't you g—”

“'Gotten hurt enough already,' huh?” Koishi said, finishing off Satori's thoughts. A complex network of thoughts and emotions unfurled in her head, and Satori could only get a feel for its constantly-moving surface before Koishi spoke again. “Do you know what I think, about why people hate us?”

“They're afraid of us,” Satori said, fishing the answer out of Koishi's mind in kind.

“Yeah. You've felt it too, right? They don't want other people seeing all of their secrets and their darkest thoughts.” Koishi's third eye leveled itself toward Satori, and the pupil dilated as she focused her attention more directly on Satori's mind, starting to reply to thoughts as she formed them. “Hmm? Yeah, I know it's not a very unique insight! But, hmm, how do I put this... if we stay in here, people will leave us alone, because they're afraid of the vengeful spirits. If we go outside, people avoid us or attack us because they're afraid. No matter what we do, people will fear us. Don't you think that's kind of sad?”

“It's an unavoidable truth of who we are. “

“Hmm, you might be right! Fear is the hardest emotion to consciously talk yourself out of, after all. But I still have to keep trying!” 

Satori sighed and crossed her arms. “And if you find that you can't succeed? You would—“ She trailed off, as she got a peek at the emotions that it was raising in Koishi's mind. The girl was absolutely adamant. The only thing stronger than the wall of resolve that she'd built up was the tidal wave of despair it was holding back. If Koishi allowed herself to admit that there was no way to win, and that she was destined to always be hated for her third eye... the thoughts were murky and inchoate, but they were there. _She would head to the surface, to either find a way to befriend humans or get herself exterminated in the process. She pictured herself ripping out the tendrils that connected her third eye to the rest of her body, crushing the thing in her fist, and feeling it ooze between her fingers like jelly. She would find a way past the Hakurei Barrier, to a world where nobody remembered what satori were anymore._

Satori's stomach churned at the mental images, and Koishi pushed them down, turning her thoughts toward gentler topics. She gave a lopsided smile. “I don't want to be hated anymore,” she said, and spun around again, facing the door. “But I don't want to do anything drastic, either! Who knows, maybe tonight will be the night I make a lot of friends! Wouldn't that be nice?”

Satori frowned at the floor, but compared to what she had seen in Koishi's head, no argument that she could make felt meaningful. “Go. I'll tell the pets to go looking for you if you aren't back by morning, though.”

“Hehe! It's a deal!”

“Koishi?” Satori said, as her sister pulled the mansion's colossal doors open.

“Hmm?”

“Please be safe tonight.”

“I will!” Koishi shot Satori one last smile around the edge of the door. “I'll be home safe this time, I promise. Good night, sis! Love you!” With that, she stepped out the door. It closed behind her with a thump that resounded through the room.

* * *

Satori keeps her eye on Koishi all throughout dinner. Meals are always the riskiest time for losing sight of her. Pets surround the table, all of them wanting a rare chance to enjoy Koishi's presence. The room is filled with sound and excitement, and one moment of distraction could be all it takes for Koishi to slip out of her mind.

But Satori has had plenty of opportunities to learn attentiveness.

“And!” Koishi says, gesturing wildly as she finishes a story. The hell raven that was trying to nibble at the cracker in her hand hops away with a frustrated caw. “She introduced me to all of her disciples! There's a real tiger there, and I got to ride on a nyuudou!”

A chorus of oohs, aahs, caws, yelps, and squeaks rises from the collected pets. Koishi scoops up the last of her food, a chunk of cake half as big as her fist, and stuffs it into her mouth. “'f really nife!” she says, before swallowing. “I hope you can all meet them some day!”

“That's pretty cool, miss Koishi,” Rin says. “Me n' Okuu want to come up and visit sometime, okay?”

“Yeah! I want to see the giant star,” Utsuho says.

Koishi nods along with this and looks around the room. She licks the crumbs from her lips and absently stuffs the cracker into her mouth, then glances down to her plate, as if assuring herself that it's still empty. “I think I'm going to go visit them right now,” she announces to nobody in particular, and slides off her chair to walk toward the door.

Satori hurries to finish off the bite of cake that she's working on, snatches up a cloth-wrapped parcel from the table, and follows after her sister. A handful of pets follow along after the pair, but the group rapidly dwindles down as Koishi fades from their attention. Soon, Satori knows, half of them will have forgotten that she even visited. She's never entirely sure if she can remember every visit that Koishi has made, herself.

As soon as Satori is close enough, she rests a hand on Koishi's shoulder. Koishi keeps walking until it stops her, then looks down at it in mild consternation. “I'm going to go visit the lady in the temple,” she explains airily.

“Yes, I know,” Satori says, and lifts the parcel that she brought along with her. She slides it into Koishi's hand, and insistently pushes it in until Koishi's fingers wrap around the knot that holds it closed. “This has some food, but it's just for you. Make sure not to forget it somewhere.”

Koishi looks down at the bundle in confusion. “I'm not hungry, though,” she says, as if amused by Satori trying to feed her again so soon. She offers it back, and Satori gently pushes her hand back down.

“It's for later. And, here.” Satori slips a pouch of coins from her own pocket and into Koishi's, then gives it a firm pat to make sure that her sister notices it. “That should have enough money for a few weeks. Remember to buy more food when you get hungry, okay?”

“Mmhm.” Koishi nods along with the instructions, but as always, it's hard for Satori to tell whether she's listening or not.

While she has Koishi restrained, Satori makes one last attempt. Her third eye dilates wide open as she probes at Koishi's mind, searching for any hint of thought or understanding. Again, there is nothing. Satori lets out a soft sigh as she gives up the search, and pulls her sister in for a tight hug. “Be safe, Koishi. Any time you want to come home, the pets and I will be happy to see you.”

“Okay!” Koishi says, and pulls Satori tight into the embrace. After a few seconds, she relaxes it, and pulls back to study Satori's face with a thoughtful frown. “Why are you crying?”

Satori hadn't even realized that she was, but now she hurries to wipe her tears away. “It's nothing,” she says.

“I don't want you to be sad...” Koishi tilts her head to the side, frowning. “Do you want to come up and meet my friends on the surface? That might cheer you up!”

And... something happens. Feelings of warmth and acceptance rise up into Satori's mind, from somewhere far below the level of her consciousness. There are no memories that go along with it, no thoughts guiding it along, simply a sudden realignment of her emotions. In a matter of seconds, she is left with a lazy smile on her face.

She glances down at her sister's third eye. Still closed. It's not the first time that Koishi has used her abilities on her, and at times, she wonders if there isn't something altogether terrifying about having her subconscious manipulated so brazenly.

But Koishi would never do anything to hurt her, and these visits always somehow reassure her: No matter what is in her head, Koishi is still, at heart, the kind, sensitive girl she's always been. Satori gives her one last squeeze, then releases her from the hug. “Thank you for the offer, but I belong here,” she says. “Somebody has to take care of the pets, after all.”

“Huuuh, yeah. I guess they'd be sad if we were both gone, huh?”

Satori steps past her sister and grabs the handle to the door, then braces herself to tug on it. It swings open with low groan of disused hinges, until she has it wide enough for somebody to pass through. “Maybe some day, though,” she says, and offers her sister a smile. “Have fun, Koishi. I love you.”

“I will! Love you, sis!”

Koishi skips through the doorway, humming under her breath, and disappears out of Satori's sight. Satori steps around the door to watch her head down the pathway toward the capital, but it's already too late. Her sister is once more lurking beneath the edges of her perception, nowhere to be seen.

With a sigh, Satori releases the door. Slowly, creakingly, it settles back into place, and she heads back to the dining room to rejoin the pets.


End file.
